So, there I am the last few days.
There's a 'mission', a quest, a Homeric Odd Essay....
(you have to have him in your fingers and there was only ever one 'him'....him in the tips of yer fingers = now in the dark... the mists swirl, the rains lash....
But then at last yesterday, i met her again...Penny ..we can name her as i told her " ...in the front of it if i ever write it.... the tales of seven years of their fake care... there will be a line, ' for Penny .... the only one who had the bright eyes to tell it like it is and she alone kept me going '..... and i mean it, lass, you alone.... spoke truth to power the power in question being all your town mates pretending they care about the animals of the hills and ....[to be continued as she made me live again]"..This Quinn roams with no plan and just lives in the moment when the moment comes....always happy.....but then sometimes one has to knuckle down and do the bloody hard work: fifty gigabytes.... it is all very good if you can absolutely let go and just be, in the moment, with them....but bugger me, what a malarkey just to find a signal .... and be so absurdly organised as to flip into work mode the moment one does. Because love, means, always, always no matter what... and i know one thing for sure, when I am gone, a few Odysseys i undertook, partook, of as one was never alone... meaning in the consciousness sense even if the 'connected consciousness of the universe' does not stop my local high-in-the hills huge sanctuary badger set I alone knew existed as i can track animals, and film them covertly, and then film the religious bigot churchwarden cunt who takes money to be an actual environmental steward.... bulldoze many live cubs 18 months ago.... and Penny alone knew it is US - no one else, us, at fault for never gathering in solidarity to make sure actual law is enforced "Pen if i grabbed your very-cute-for-a-65-year-old Bertrandineish bum... in the street, now, you would rightly have me in the assizes and shamed all over the local newspapers... because it is against law people died to have in the statutes.... and yet law that protects these protected animals....no one will ever actually help us....and the worst of the lot the ones who have websites saying they are saviours of the beats when they don't even have the mannners to reply to a quite sane message stating one could do with some help prosecuting actual holocaust stuff in the hills....with splendid actual filmic evidence..... Pen... forget this sceptic aisle..... i did all i could and now do need to be off..... sooner or later....as soon as i can marry an EU passport ...ooops Miss Taken Identity....find someone who actually meant what they say...")
The it has come back....
Asleep high up in the hills. Not even a full 7 1/2 hours.... UTC
To awake in the bleak nothing, high up, parked in a huge puddle ... great for an early morning wash always the sleepiness...
and recall "i wonder who that was at 2130ish UTC...
"pinging me
"ahh my usual conceit - too damn holier than thou
"to ever open a message after bedtime to make my point...
"only ever interested in anything that will affect my next few hours
"and no one keeps me up after my allotted bedtime...
"ever..
" I know who i am... and how far away she lives"
What a badly written preamble to, all that matters:
Some weeks rather letting slip standards.
Exactly where, several years, I wanted to be.
At last I get there.
Home.
Is knowing there is nowhere worthy of calling 'home'.
In this fetid Isle.
And being absolutely nowhere up high here
where i needed to be.
Is exactly the right place to be.
But then where's the old 'me'.
That simplest energised love of a bit of tidying up first thing.
Be it tidying away the mud of the hills or the waste of time messages cluttering the digital desktop.
That takes a certain kind of 'energy'... not giving a fuck. About the Pharisees and Sadducees - modern iteration, the two faced holier than thou oh how they adore their masks...
so called educated middle classes....people of 'culture' and even books...
("Pen.... they even pretend they read..... they'll have Silent Spring on their shelves but i bet the pages are as rigid from underuse or never-use, as their fuckin god given sex drive...")
None of which ever gets me down, but one does want sometimes to get back up to splendid tidying ones new cave energy levels...
And ... the key to life only is, past fifty, having the time to just smile more than smile absolutely feel the joy of wishing nothing more than the simplest nothing and everything in a moment of great energy joy and ....well it is that bubbling up of fiz in the gut that feels so nice... having the time to live it, enjoy it...
And then get cleaning because YOu want to....
That wasn't going to come back....
And then...it did. Here, now.... and that is all a human being ever needs. Watch out sheepies...
But then how did i forget him?
Who needs a home, but i do know one thing, above all
of you...
courtesy of a random feed from the algorithms unless they peek into my other 'identities' i thought were 'firewalled'....
I know my home is anywhere.... (even there yestereve how lovely that was i haven't done that years.... I am ready now.... )
But i also know only the older gals and geezers ever have any real...
SOUL...
innem....
"Pen....soul.... your bright eyes plus soul....you now that only soul gets you through this wasteland of cant and vanity especially their fuckin self regarding nonsense they stick on their facebook... "
And i had looked for her two years.
Now as i messaged the rev who confided in me she doesnt believe in her 'boss'
and she started it all - or this phase...
last night
" i roam.... but your graveyard is the only one i want to rest in... so i better save up for a plot...."
All of which is my business but i do know old gits with soul.....
are the only authentic so called conscious thing on the planet.
except there was always a first...equal...draw...
shame the writer murdered badgers for fun... (VERY accurate journalsim from last year discovered)
But then ... the art is the art... the artist is indeed often a complete fraud...
so be it
